


I Despise You In The Best Way

by cul_perr



Category: Turn (TV 2014)
Genre: Abraham the memelord, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Flirting, Awkwardness, F/F, F/M, Getting Together, Halloween, M/M, Memes, Social Media, Tallster, cursing, halloween party, townhull
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-04-04 12:37:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14020404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cul_perr/pseuds/cul_perr
Summary: "There is no fucking way I am hosting the Halloween party again this year," Benjamin grumbles. "Abraham literally shattered every mirror in the house, broke seven glasses, knocked a hole in the wall and vomited on the carpet. I am not going through that again."Oh boy. Deep breath, Robert. "I could...?"All eyes turn towards him with looks of sympathy, astonishment and utter dread.Abraham's eyes light up, and he grins.Fuck.





	1. Before The Party (Prologue)

**Author's Note:**

> This actually has a lot of nudges towards charliedontsurf's fic Blowin' Smoke, and to crutchiebytheway's Disruptions, which are possibly two of the most fantastic fics in the history of ever. I strongly suggest anyone and everyone checks them out.

  

 

  "There is no fucking way I am hosting the Halloween party again this year," Benjamin grumbles. "Abraham literally shattered every mirror in the house, broke seven glasses, knocked a hole in the wall and vomited on the carpet. I am not going through that again."

Oh boy. Deep breath, Robert. "I could...?"

All eyes turn towards him with looks of sympathy, astonishment and utter dread.

 

Abraham's eyes light up, and he grins.

 

Fuck.

 

 

    “Doritos, Robert. That’s fucking obvious. I’m always a slut for Doritos.”

    All that earns is a disgruntled look from the bartender as he reluctantly scratches _doritos_ into the notepad. This. This is his punishment for volunteering to host the Halloween party.

    That’s when Caleb pops up, throwing his arms around Abraham’s shoulders and rubbing his beard against the back of his neck. All it earns is a hiss as Abraham flails, and falls straight out of his seat and onto the floor with a thud. “Those better not be Cool Ranch Doritos. I don’t care what Abe says, they’re disgusting.”

    “Bullshit!” The lump on the floor cries, where Abraham seems too lazy to actually stand back up again. At this point, they’re making a scene- Or Abe is, at least, a handful of the customers glancing over with a mix of confused and concerned faces.

    Robert changes the list.

    _doritos (cool ranch)_

This was going to be a disaster.

 

     It’s only after he’s gone to the grocery store to buy everything that he cares to check his phone, struggling with the bags to unlock his door at the same time.

    _Twenty-one missed calls from ABE DON’T ANSWER_

As Robert sets his bags down on the counter, he reluctantly texts back the number he avoids most in life.

 

    _‘do you need something??’_

 

    When Abe responds with a meme, Robert rethinks his decision.

 

    ‘ **ok but actually wuts ur address anna and mary want 2 cum’**

**‘haha cum’**

**‘but actually they decided 2 join us so’**

   

    Robert grumbles. The regret is hitting him now. The regret and shame in being partially responsible for this… _person_ the moment Abe steps into his house. A house where there is alcohol. Alcohol and other people.

    Oh God, he’s just a glutton for punishment at this point.

   

    ‘ _just pick them up or something’_

‘ **NO IM RIDING WITH BEN AND CALEB’**

**‘omg ben and caleb would be bleb’**

**‘cus theyre gay’**

**‘u know who else is gay?’**

**‘u.’**

**‘so when r u gonna lemme take u on a date’**

 

_‘Never. I hate you. You know what my address is, you probably already answered Anna and Mary. Stop using this as an excuse to talk to me, I have to get everything ready.’_

**‘omg’**

**‘omg im coming over now i wanna help’**

**‘i also wanna be the first to see u in ur costume’**

 

    _‘No. No, you don’t get to come over. And I’m not wearing a costume.’_

 

**‘2 late already left my house :D’**

**‘fuk u u better have a costume by the time i get there’**

**‘im gonna bring an extra crown just in case for u’**

**‘u can be the cabbage queen. <3’**

 

    Robert sighs. This was going to be a long night.


	2. The Party Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Cabbage King searches for a Queen.
> 
>  
> 
> He's rejected.

    He manages to keep Abraham away from him and the alcohol at least until the others get there, keeping him distracted with setting up the cheap Halloween decorations he’d bought. Two dollar packages of fake cobwebs, black lace tablecloths, an armful of pumpkins to be carved, candy, and a specific bowl of candy set aside for trick or treaters. It was bound to look terrible.

And yet, when Robert finally emerges with a witch hat on, Abraham has somehow made the entire living room resemble not cheap dollar store decorations. He’s… Surprised, to say the least. Apparently Woodhull is actually good for something.

“Wait, you have a costume?” Abraham whines, frowning up at Robert. “I mean, not that it doesn’t look good..” That’s when Robert’s eyes trail down, spotting the crown that matches Abraham’s gripped in his hands. He genuinely expected him to wear that, to match Abraham’s mess of fake vines and leaves amongst his crown, cape and scepter. 

“It’s a Halloween party, Woodhull,” Robert retorts, purposefully facing away from him just so he can stomp down the odd sense of guilt that rose when he saw that stupid plastic crown. He fiddles with the cups, sparing a brief glance over his shoulder at Abraham.

He looks like a kicked puppy, but Robert catches him staring directly at his ass, so that guilt quickly fades as he huffs and twists away. “Of course I’m going to have a costume. You’re mixing me up with Benjamin. He’ll probably just show up in last years Superman shirt.”

 

    “Excuse me for missing the required costumes memo,” Benjamin scoffs, holding the door open for Caleb as he scoots in behind. Surprisingly enough, Benjamin  _ is _ in costume, a very classic vampire, fangs and cape and all. Caleb matches, sort of, taking his abundance of  _ hair _ and using it to his advantage, dressed up as another cult classic, the werewolf.

    That’s when Caleb starts to whine.

 

   “You’ve got to be  _ kidding _ me. You bought Cool Ranch doritos?  _ Cool Ranch?! _ Ben- Ben, he bought Cool Ranch Doritos, I can’t eat these-“

 

    At this point, Benjamin is so done with Abraham’s bullshit that he can’t possibly have any patience for his own boyfriend, already filling a glass with wine. “I never heard a more brutal, shocking injustice that I cared less about,” He deadpans, quirking an eyebrow over at him. Caleb pouts like some petulant child, before turning back to Robert. “You said you wouldn’t buy Cool Ranch-“

 

    That earns a scoff. “I did nothing of the sort,” He retorts. “You asked. I never agreed. Perhaps I like Cool Ranch Doritos. Did you ever consider that?”

 

    Caleb’s nose wrinkles in disgust, huffing and turning away, probably to bitch to Benjamin until he brings out his own snacks that everyone knows are stashed inside his backpack for when they inevitably run out, because everyone always underestimates how much of a pig Abraham is. 

 

    Then Robert finds Abraham’s arm slung around his waist, which effectively ruins any happy mood ruining Caleb’s night for five minutes might have given him. 

 

    Despite the sharp, ‘ _ are you fucking kidding me’ _ look that Robert gives him, Abraham still has this cheeky little smile as he stares up at him with those  _ stupid _ lovesick eyes- 

 

    “You actually got Cool Ranch,” He muses, catching himself on the counter when Robert shakes him off. “You know they’re my favourite. You know everyone else fuckin’ hates them, are you trying to tell me something, Robbie-?”

 

     “Hand me that goddamn wine bottle, Benjamin. I can’t be sober for this shit. Besides, if he doesn’t  _ get off of me, _ I can use it to bash his head in,” Robert grumbles, brushing past to sit next to Benjamin, trying not to think about the flush creeping up his neck when he glances at his reflection in the hallway mirror. 

 

     He’s in the middle of pouring himself a glass when Abraham comes slinking back over again, plunking himself down on the floor between the armchair and the coffee table. Which is also, inevitably, right between Robert’s legs.

 

     “You didn’t answer me-”

     “I wanted some  _ wine, _ not some  _ whine. _ Bugger off for five minutes, won’t you?”

 

    There’s a polite knock before the doors opening again, and Abraham goes rushing towards Anna and Mary like an overexcited labradoodle, giving Robert the few seconds he needs for his escape. 

 

    He closes the bathroom door behind him, squeezing his eyes shut and sinking down to sit on the floor. Peace, even if it’s only for a few minutes. He only needs long enough to get his thoughts back in line.

 

    Robert sighs. His wine is still on the coffee table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> abe: awh you like me  
> rob: yeah okay i guess  
> abe: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )  
> rob: i take that back abort mission abort-
> 
>  
> 
> come shout at me on tumblr @cul-perr


End file.
